When A Wife Treats Her Husband Like A Child
Sometimes, I overhear a woman speak to her husband as if she were his mother. It might sound something like this, “Where are all those receipts, I’ve told you and told you, to let me know how much you spent.” or, “Don’t you think you should be going to church more?” or, “Maybe you could get a better job, one that pays more.” or, “I have to do everything around here; can’t you do anything right?” “I can’t trust you to take care of the kids while I’m gone.” I’m certain all of these words are very demeaning and belittling to the man.
Surely, you must have the right to be fed up when your husband doesn’t act responsibly, or do what is acceptable in your eyes. Frustrated, you might be rude or disrespectful to him or resort to silence when your husband disappoints you. You might believe that it is necessary to point out the obvious things you see that need to change in your husband. How will he ever get it if you don’t tell him? If you don’t take over now won’t the entire household fold? You might believe that if it weren’t for you, your family wouldn’t survive, certainly not your husband and certainly not your kids. Why you are the glue holding the family together!
Ever thought about how the words you speak to your husband affect him? Every mention of his failures, every reminder that he has disappointed again – it sounds as if you are speaking to a child – he can almost expect to be grounded, sent to his room if he doesn’t shape up. Ever think about how your actions speak volumes to him? You might not say anything about not trusting him, but you take over all the child care, the checkbook, planning, spending, decision making and pretty soon…you find that you are not only exhausted but you have officially taken over. You look around for the leader you so desired and he is nowhere to be found. You know why he can’t be found? Because you have crowded him out! There is no room in the drivers seat – you are sitting there! Your husband has been forced in the back seat, like one of the kids. You tell them to get in, buckle up and be quiet. And woe to him (your man) if he has any comments on the way your are driving and leading the family. How dare he have the nerve to make a comment after all that you do!
You’ve been driving the family for so long you may think you are the only reason the family has stayed on the road. Surely if you allowed him to take the wheel, he’d drive the family over a cliff – or would he?
Your husband doesn’t need a mother, he needs a wife who will walk beside him, respect him, love him, cheer him on, encourage him, and most important, allow God to teach him how to lead his family. Well, what about the man who has grown comfortable sitting in the backseat? It isn’t too late for him either. He would probably love a chance to jingle the keys, slide into the drivers seat and drive in circles if he so chooses – just as long as those in the car believe in him. It may seem like a very scary thing to do – to relinquish control to your husband, but if you remember that up to now, your control and mistrust have been based on fear. It is important for you to realize that its really God you are trusting or rather not trusting.
It comes down to this truth: You are either going to trust God, or you aren’t! It is God’s desire for your husband to lead. It is God’s desire to teach your husband how to lead. It is God’s desire that you to wait upon him to teach, and lead your husband! This all may sound well and good, but, what about if your husband has no desire to lead? It still comes down to that truth: Are you going to trust God or not? If you are sitting in the driver’s seat, more than likely, your husband has learned that he can’t push you out of it! So, you are going to have to make the first move. He isn’t going to move out of the back seat, until you move over! Move over, begin to pray that God will show you how to be his wife, not his mother. Ask God to give you a measure of trust in him, to teach your husband, to teach you to be a wife to your husband, not a mom.
For those of you who have excused your husband’s sin and have not taken a stand when necessary – again, sometimes, the most loving thing you can do for your husband might seem like a very unloving thing to do. At times, there are actions you must take and God will give you the wisdom to act accordingly.
Imagine how glorious it could be…your man in the driver’s seat, you beside him…humming along, down the road. A much better picture than you driving and your husband/child sitting in the back seat, longing for a chance to drive! Relinquish your control and set your heart in the direction to trust God. You may find that you need to repent for your sin as well as ask forgiveness from your husband for how you’ve treated him. God’s desire is that your husband lead the family. It’s God’s design that your husband sit in the driver’s seat!